


Not with a bang but a

by Cirkne



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Apocalypse, Multi, mentions of blood and death, other chars mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8318188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirkne/pseuds/Cirkne
Summary: Alexander dies two days before the apocalypse starts.





	

Alexander dies two days short of the world ending. John’s on the phone with a funeral director when the call cuts short and the TV show he was playing in the background turns into a news report and maybe the ground shakes exactly then or maybe it’s later when he’s running to his car with bags of supplies or maybe it hasn’t stopped shaking since Alexander was found dead, with a bullet still stuck in between his ribs.

-

What stupid irony, John thinks, that Alexander had always talked about how little time he had and look at him now: a lifeless body just before everyone in the world runs out of time too. What stupid irony, John thinks, and then he takes a left to reach a coffee shop where they used to have dates every monday because if he dies, he has to see it one last time.

-

He doesn’t have a plan, exactly. They’d talked about this once or twice: the idea of everything they know having the ability to destroy them, but they never talked about ways to survive. The reason being, probably, that they didn’t want to survive. They always thought, if something like this happened, they’d die holding hands, but Alexander wouldn’t have been himself if he hadn’t rushed into it.

-

They used to be soldiers, both of them. Dirt covered uniforms and heavy boots and tents that flail in the wind and guns and bullets and screams. They were trained to kill and they were trained to stay quiet when tortured and Alexander got shot because he was arguing with a robber and when they arrested the guy, John thought: Alexander could have taken him. So maybe he wasn’t trying to survive and maybe John shouldn’t be trying either, but it’s all probably instinct by now. 

-

His body is still in a morgue on the other side of town.

“I’d like to know what it’s like, you know, your workplace filled with death and skin and blood and bones. It’s interesting.”

“And teeth and guts and shit, Alex, don’t forget the shit.”

-

Back in the army they were taught to sleep whenever they got the chance. The sun sets and the people are still screaming and John wonders what good it’s going to do them. It’s August. John drives north. Ignores the fact that his gas will run out in just a few hours and the sky will still be dark and Alexander will still be dead.

-

“And if I hadn’t kissed you back then?”

“I would have done it eventually, baby, I wouldn’t have let you slip away.”

“That’s awfully poetic for three in the morning.”

“You know me.”

-

His phone only works for ten minutes before the sun rises, but Hercules manages to reach him still and he says: 

“Fuck, John, I knew the world would end with him,” 

-

They’re on Angelica’s couch and she’s telling Alexander to stop putting his feet up on her new table and Alexander’s not listening and John’s just a little tipsy from the wine Angelica had offered him and they should probably go soon, it’s nearing one in the morning, it’s-

Hercules' jeep pulls up in front of him.

“Shit, John, were you planning to die alone in your shitty car?”

He nods and Hercules throws one of John’s bags over his shoulder and says:

“I’m not letting you, asshole,”

-

They’re on the swings.

Swinging in the wind. The playground’s empty. It’s just after midnight.

Around three pm, John thinks. They don’t know if they can trust their clocks completely and their phones still don’t really work. 

The metal makes a screeching sound. Both times.

He thinks they’re talking about what life means to them.

Gilbert says:

“I kind of wish I was in France right now. I should die in France.”

“You’re not dying,” John answers. He also says:

“Alex, you can’t possibly think that, of course I love you.”

Gilbert laughs. Maybe. Alexander doesn’t. The playground is empty and the wind is harsher than it should be.

-

He holds a gun and he shoots a deer. 

He shoots at a target in practice. 

He shoots another deer. The survivors eat. 

Alexander tells him he’s a good shot. They kiss in the tents.

Their hideout is too packed and yet too empty and the whispers make his skin crawl in a way that makes him want to die even more and outside the world is still ending and Alexander isn’t there to calm him down when he’s shaking.

-

Alexander likes routine. They eat dinner at seven pm sharp and the day John burns their pizza in the oven he has to pay extra for a faster delivery and when Alexander kisses him he tastes like tomato sauce and cheese.

Peggy makes schedules for them and John keeps them folded between the pages of Alexander’s favorite book.

*

“You should never let someone die,” Gilbert says. Alexander’s in the other room taking off his binder. Hercules moves John’s hand away to get a cupcake. It’s three days after new year's eve.

John finds Gilbert with a gun between his teeth.

Alexander comes out with his hair falling on his shoulders and John wants to say:

“I don’t know how I’m lucky enough to be with you,” before he can, Alexander fits himself in John’s lap, complains about being cold.

“You think when it’s too cold to hunt or gather we’ll end up eating each other?”

-

Strands of Alexander’s hair are falling on their kitchen floor. John runs his fingers on the shaved parts.

He keeps ripping his hair out. Eliza’s have started to fall out. She gathers it all and keeps it in a plastic bag by where she sleeps, clings onto the life she had. John makes Hercules cut his hair off with a hunting knife.

Alexander keeps looking at himself in the mirror. John kisses the back of his neck.

-

Peggy dies.

Peggy says:

“Can you stop making out in my sister’s bathroom and let me pee?”

Peggy dies and Angelica won’t stop screaming for two hours.

-

Alexander’s books are full of notes in pencil and pen, full of short poems, full of ink and coffee stains. Alexander writes poems on John’s skin. Alexander kisses his shoulders. Alexander laughs into his neck. Alexander-

Eliza hunts and complains about nightmares and John doesn’t remember when was the last time he dreamed of anything at all and when she cries both he and Angelica hold her hands.

-

They find Burr in the woods.

The trees are tall and the sky is clear and Alexander is saying they should go home soon but John’s falling asleep on the grass and neither of them is moving.

They find what’s left of Burr in the woods. 

-

Alexander acted like everything was about him and the world ends when he’s gone and John thinks this is a cruel joke he’s playing on them and it seems like every week they are moving closer to New York even though he tried to escape as soon as all of this happened and the nights are getting colder and Alexander avoided a shit show of death and fear and at night John’s gums start bleeding.

-

John wishes the apocalypse had waited for Alexander to be buried. They reach New York. John wishes he could find Alexander’s grave and dig him up just to make room for himself and let the worms destroy his body and in October their phones start working fully again and they start calling everyone they have in their contacts but no one answers and when he calls Alexander he leaves a voicemail no one is going to hear.

-

“If you want me,” Gilbert says to the both of them, in their living room and Alexander’s eyes are hungry and his hands earn for every experience the world can offer him and John is saying: _yes yes yes_.

“If you want me,” Gilbert says to him alone and it’s almost a desperate pleading and John says: ok. Their bodies are cold and their skin is harsh to the touch and John thinks about Alexander for the most part.

-

“I think about them sometimes and I wish I could touch them the way I touch you.”

“Me too, baby, I wish for that too.”

-

Hercules says:

“I bet he’d regret dying just because he missed this,” and John, his lips on Hercules neck says:

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” and Gilbert hums in agreement and pulls John away from Hercules to kiss him and John hates how right Hercules is.

-

He spends the first part of his birthday in bed and Alexander refuses to keep him company but he comes in to check every so often and they joke about John getting just a little closer to dying and Alexander’s skin is warm where he touches him and he doesn’t want to let go, but he does.

“It’s your birthday,” Hercules says and they don’t acknowledge it further.

-

New York has more survivors than they expected. Gilbert kisses him before they go out hunting and Hercules kisses him when they come back.

Alexander’s in the supermarket leaning on a cart, debating on cereal. They just started living together.

They go to John and Alexander’s old home. The picture frames have been broken and the shelves have fallen down and John cries in their bed for the first time since the day after Alexander died.

-

It ends with the first snow. Alexander’s gone, but it ends. The apocalypse is a lesser disaster than a death.

**Author's Note:**

> title from The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot
> 
> honestly? idk what this is. my first MCD fic im pretty sure


End file.
